Baltic Babe and the brief encounter at lunch – Monday

I just couldn’t get her out of my head. I was in central London on Monday 15th October 2012 and my business there concluded earlier than I had anticipated. Lunchtime was approaching and I phoned a few friends to see if any of them were able to meet up at such short notice, but none could. In a moment of irrational emotion I texted Baltic Babe. To my surprise she was amenable to meeting up.

I stood on the stairs at the Bishopsgate exit to Liverpool Street station, that old familiar station that her and I seemed to gravitate towards. Office workers in coats and jackets were hurriedly scurrying about in their lunch-hour while a cold Autumn wind buffeted us all. The seasons seemed to change in sync with my love life.

I had no idea about what to expect from Baltic Babe. It was a spur of the moment idea to try and see her again because I felt I needed closure. I didn’t like the way that things had ended between us.

I got the feeling that someone was looking at me from my right, so I turned and saw Baltic Babe walking towards me in the middle of a crowd. Our eyes locked like they did the very first time we saw each other. We both couldn’t help but smile. My heart was in my throat. The wind had ruffled her white-blonde hair and it was her early morning dandelion look, whether she liked it or not. She was wearing a new, smart black knee-length coat and clutching a handbag over her shoulder. Her face was pock-marked; it must have been that time of the month. Good, it meant that she wasn’t pregnant.

We greeted without touching. Kissing her, even on the cheek, seemed inappropriate.

“Hello. How are you?” I asked demurely, as the rest of the world seemed to evaporate around us, all noise ceasing and the wind disappearing.

“I’m good, thanks. How are you?” she said coyly.

I could see in her darting eyes and bemused smile that she wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but her curiosity had brought her to find out. I wondered if her ego was hoping that I was going to declare my undying love for her and beg her that we try again. If so, she was in for a disappointment. While I was waiting for her I had decided on a course of action.

“Shall we go have a quick lunch somewhere?” I suggested.

Baltic Babe nodded in agreement and I led us to an arcade of eateries a block away. We both liked the idea of what a Japanese takeaway was offering, so we stepped inside and chose what we wanted. When we were at the counter to pay, she turned to me with a knowing look. Her bottom lip was suppressing a smile and her eyes had a naughty glint.

“Shall I pay for lunch?” I said sarcastically, not really minding because my new job was starting the next day. Her cheeks swelled and her eyes laughed, but she still suppressed the smile. I didn’t smother my smile. We could still know what the other was thinking without either saying a word and have fun at the same time.

We found a free table outside and sat, eating our lunch, not saying a word, just looking at each other.

“How’s work?” I opened.

“Shit as usual, but at least my bitch-boss isn’t in today. That’s why I was able to come out for lunch.”

“Any idea what’s going to happen?”

“No idea. Nobody talks to me.”

We fell silent again, feeding ourselves sushi from plastic containers. Our eyes would lock and I could see that she was really curious about what I had to say, why I had asked her out for lunch. We finished our food in silence. It was time for me to say my piece.

“I’ve come to accept that we’re not right for each other,” I began. Her face and body-language was unchanged. I continued after a moment of checking her reaction to my initial words.

“Nevertheless I can’t help but think of you every day. I can’t get you out of my head.” Her ego liked that. Her eyes widened, but she said nothing.

“I want you to do me a favour.”

“What?” she said.

“I want you to hurt me so that I can forget about you. I want you to look me in the eye and tell me that you felt nothing for me.”

Baltic Babe’s face became serious as she thought about what to say or do. After a few seconds she spoke.

“No, I can’t do that. I don’t deliberately hurt people.” she said confidently, obviously pleased with her clever reply.

“So you won’t give me what I want? Okay, that hurts. Thanks.” I grinned.

She blinked hard and smiled at the realization that she had been outsmarted. Silence returned.

I hadn’t got the silver spike through my heart that I was hoping for. Nor had a red-hot poker singed my soul to leave a permanent scar. However, her words and demeanour told me once and for all that she was no longer interested in me. That was good enough for me.

“I have to go back to the office now” she said, her curiosity about my intentions now obviously satisfied.

I insisted on accompanying her to her offices as I had nothing better to do and, to be honest, I was perversely enjoying the encounter. We walked the few blocks to her place of work, making polite superficial small-talk. I made her laugh once and I took in the sound as best I could, knowing it might be the last time I would hear it.

We rounded a corner and Baltic Babe stopped in her tracks and looked me in the eye.

“We have to say goodbye now,” she said without any emotion. “I don’t want my colleagues seeing us.”

I stepped towards her, wanting to give her a farewell kiss on the cheek, but she lowered her head in an avoidance move and I kissed her forehead instead. She kept her head down and I couldn’t resist the urge to give her one last hug. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. She fitted me perfectly. After a few seconds of savouring the sensation, I let her go. She raised her head and I saw that there was an imprint on her forehead from the zip on my jacket.

Without another word or meeting of eyes she turned away and walked down the pavement towards the entrance to her offices. I stood and watched her walk away. Slowly a variety of feelings engulfed me. I was sad that things hadn’t worked out between us. I was pleased that I now had the sense of closure that was lacking.

I watched her approach her entrance and thought to myself, “If she turns around to look at me, then she still wants me.”

She didn’t turn around.