Tears in my tea…and rhyming couplets leads to a polite fuckoff?

On the Tuesday morning, I got the following text message from Baltic Babe:

Very nice poetry! You have a talent for writing.

I took her answering as a sign that the lines of communication were still open, so that night I phoned her. I was hoping to clear the air and see if there was any hope for us. We had a brutally honest conversation. Baltic Babe had a massive problem with my being a freelance worker. She wanted a man who went off to a 9-to-5 job all year round. That admission told me everything. The outcome of the call is perfectly encapsulated in an email that I sent to a friend the following day.

Baltic Babe and I had a long conversation last night. Her trust issues with me stem from my never exhibiting any kind of permanence to life. I’m always moving about. She’s looking for stability. Understandable.
In essence she’s looking for a little bird that flies between the nest and the wide world, bringing back what the nest-dwellers require.
What’s in it for the little bird?
So, I concluded that she is not interested in me, but more interested in what I can do for her.
I want to be with someone who loves me, not the benefits of being with me.
We wished each other good luck and said goodbye.
C’est la vie.

After I had sent the email above, I found myself sitting at my keyboard, tea before me, with tears in my eyes. For the second time in less than a year a woman had broken my heart. I wrote the following poem and sent it to Baltic Babe.

Tears in my tea

It’s breakfast, with tea I’m at my table
You said found my way of life too unstable.

My feelings for you were strong
Now overnight you are gone.

I didn’t want to love so soon
I was afraid of looking like a buffoon.

But you crept inside my frozen heart
I knew loving so soon wasn’t smart.

But you are as gentle as a dove
You, I couldn’t help but love.

Someone like you the world causes pain
Yes, you have every right to complain.

You feared that I could be inside your mind
The truth is, our hearts are almost two of a kind.

I could look at you and know what you feel
I know you won’t accept that this is real.

I couldn’t wait to read your every letter
Fool! By now I should have known better.

Life has never been that kind to me
Now there are tears in my tea.

Within a couple of hours I got the following response…

Interesting reading from wiki:

“In sociology and psychology the degree to which one party trusts another is a measure of belief in the honesty, fairness, or benevolence of another party. In psychology, trust is believing that the person who is trusted will do what is expected. Perception of honesty, competence and value similarity (slightly similar to benevolence) are essential. There are three different forms of trust. Trust is being vulnerable to someone even when they are trustworthy; Trustworthiness are the characteristics or behaviours of one person that inspire positive expectations in another person, and trust propensity being able to rely on people. Once trust is lost, by obvious violation of one of these three determinants, it is very hard to regain. Thus there is clear asymmetry in the building versus destruction of trust. Hence being and acting trustworthy should be considered the only sure way to maintain a trust level.”

You see, on the basis of the above, one can conclude that trust comes with time and there is no other way. If one does not act in a trustworthy way, the level of trust will be low. The trustworthiness of a person can only be confirmed by facts, not someone’s beliefs or understanding as that someone could be under a delusion. Therefore, proving facts is essential. People who obstruct the process of getting the facts cannot be considered trustworthy as obstruction to getting the facts will be perceived as a sign of dishonesty. I believe that there are people who, perhaps, naturally and unintentionally behave in the way that makes them look not trustworthy. And it has nothing to do with the people who, on the basis of their reasoned judgment, perceive them in this way. I cannot argue about this issue anymore.

I am really sorry that it ended in this way… I hope that we both will make some people very happy.

Her response made very little sense in the context of what was said between us. Her trust issues were paralyzing. Once again I found myself asking, “Is she crazy?”

I went to work cancelling our upcoming travel arrangements. I managed to get the hotel booking cancelled (thanks Expedia), but the airfare was non-refundable, so I lost several hundred Pounds there. Thanks Ryanair. All at a time when I was having to watch every penny.